Banned from zoo.
Again?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You made out with two different species that night
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
