I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
