I wanna passion pit in your ass
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
