laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
ugly people sure do ruin things
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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