He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
