I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
