turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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