Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
