Your face is a jimmy john
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
