dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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