Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
