I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
