Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
