Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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