you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
