will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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