A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
