I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I made him laugh his dick is mine
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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