what if every blade of grass was a penis?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
