update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
