and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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