I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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