I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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