There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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