I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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