Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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