my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
