Me. At least after what I've been through.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
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at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
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Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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