dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
