i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
