Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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