and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
