she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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