She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
