dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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