I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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