how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
