My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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