Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
