I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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