I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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