Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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