): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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