I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
