Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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