But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
