How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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