New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
false alarm. still invincible.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
