My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
