just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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