Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
