dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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