You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
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