had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
