Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize