Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
