everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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