There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
