I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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