you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
