Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
