Im at strip club and am horny
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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