So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
