Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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