ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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