Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
