So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
