dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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