I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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