If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
