I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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