saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
