You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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