Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
