I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
