I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
