It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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