Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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