He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
