You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
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turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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