Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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