So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
