btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I puked a lego.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
