I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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