you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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