Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
