remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
