Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
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I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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