I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
