I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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