you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
