Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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