Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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